Jake's Story, Conclusion

Some bone marrow was extracted from Jake's hip bone and we went home to wait while the stem cells grew until they would be ready for transplant, about 2-3 weeks. Jake's discomfort seemed to be increasing and I prayed the stem cells would be ready soon. I then recieved an email from Dr. Clemmons that the cells were ready and we would need to transplant them in the next week or so. This was just before the Memorial day week-end and we settled on that next Tuesday I would bring Jake up there for the procedure. He would be the second dog to ever receive this treatment. The first had been done several weeks before and was doing well.

That Tuesday I loaded Jake in the truck and we took the drive back up to Gainesville. I did not know what to expect but I knew we had to do something. I felt we were so lucky to have this chance. The drives up to Gainesville were always pleasant and Jake loved going in the truck with me. I would make stops at rest areas and get him out to potty as everyone stared at the little woman struggling to help the dog as large as her whose back legs were paralyzed. I did not care. When people made comments about how hard it looked, I just said, "He aint heavy, he's my baby!".

I left Jake with Dr. Clemmons and did what I usually did when I was waiting for Jake - I made the rounds of the pet shops and loaded up on treats for him. It was nerve wracking but could have been worse. It was at least hope - more than most people dealing with a fatal condition have. Aso, I had complete confidence in Dr. Clemmons which helped. I realize he did not have a cure for DM - no one did - but I also knew he took his oath seriously to "do no harm" and Jake was in the best hands possible. Finally I got the call that Jake was ready to go home. I was so excited to see him and he looked amazingly good. I got him home and in the house and let him sleep. And prayed in my own way this would work.

The next day Jake seemed to feel better than he had in a long time. His back legs had been completely paralyzed now for 5-6 months and in that time he had never attempted to "drag" himself around the house as most DM dogs do. When I got home from work that day, I found he had been busy and my mother said he had dragged himself all around the house. I was ecstatic! Jake was full of energy and ready to go. I took him out to go potty and was happier than I had been since the whole ordeal began. Probably happier than I had ever been in my whole life!

Over the next few months, I took him out to the backyard pool I had set up for him and started him in physical therapy again. The therapist reported him making good progress and he started moving his legs a little. One day I went to take him out and I got him up on his front legs and as I started to get his sling under him, I heard a thumping sound. I looked around to see what it was, and it was HIM! He was pushing out his back legs to try to get up and they were thumping on the hardwood floor off the end of his bed. I was amazed and overjoyed! I felt maybe ... just maybe we would actually beat this horrible disease!

The improvements we saw were internittent and erratic but they were there. Until this point, Jake had done nothing but decline steadily. I continued to work with Jake in the pool and work on his legs at night and therapy seemd to be going well. Then one day when I picked him up from therapy, the doctor there came out and told me Jake had had a big setback. He had seemed to completely loose any ambulatory motion in his back legs as compared to the last session. However when I got him home that evening and worked on his legs, I felt him resisting me as he had been doing on and off the last couple months. I called Dr. Clemmons and said I needed to bring Jake to see him so we could be sure he did not sustain an injury or something and re-evaluate the situation. I was hoping Dr. Clemmons would find something to explain this, but there was nothing. Evidently, the stem cells were dying. In a test tube, they did start to die in about 10 weeks and it had been hoped in a host body, this would not happen. But it appeared that was the case. Jake continued to be able to move his legs on and off but that became less frequent. We tried another round of stem cells, but I was cautioned it is common that subsequent applications of some treatments do not provide any further benefit. And that appeared to be the case as there was no marked improvement after Jake's second stem cell transplant. But Dr. Clemmons was willing to try again and so, later, a third batch of stem cells was being prepared for Jake even though chances seemed slim that would help.

And, as is the case with DM, the disease progressed and there soon came a day when I came home from work and my mom said Jake had been unable to drag himself more than a couple feet that day. I had seen his front weakening as the disease progressed to the front, but tried to attribute that to other things. I felt he was also having trouble urinating. It was hard to judge how much he was getting out, since at this point he could only seem to pee in the pool (yes I was doing a LOT of pool cleaning!) and trying to express him was not working, but he was leaking all the time and had UTI. Since it is common for DM to wax and wane, I fervently hoped Jake would improve again. However, the next day that I came home from work, my mom said Jake had been unable to get up on his front legs at all and had spent the day frustrated. I knew then I could not go back to work and leave Jake until the situation was resolved one way or another. After I felt my blood run cold and a strangling fear overtook me - the kind of fear you feel when your worst nightmare comes true, but this literally was my worst nightmare - I just felt confused and like I was in a daze. I had tried to prepare for this since the diagnosis, but there is no way you can ever be ready to loose your child, your partner, your reason for being. I did know one thing though - I had promised myself from the beginning that no matter what - no matter how much I wanted to be in denial, or how my heart was breaking, nothing in this world mattered more than letting Jake go when the time was right. I had to do what was right for Jake ... no matter what.

I gave him a 'special' bone that evening and the other dogs came in and Jake was so proud. He put his head up in the air to show off and growled at the other dogs to stay away from his bone! His body might have been failing him, but his mind and spirit were still strong. He was still the brave, strong alpha. I think it would have been easier if he were in pain at this point. I did not want to upset Jake by crying in front of him, but it was so hard not to, so I had to keep leaving the room trying to figure out what to do though deep down I knew there was only one option.

I was so tired and Jake did not want to get up to go out that evening. I think his bladder was full and it was infected and likely bothering him so I laid down to rest and would try again in a few minutes. I woke up about 4am (so much for a few minutes! emotional distress is exhausting and I was shutting down) and I asked Jake if he wanted to go out and he did not. I slept for a few more hours still very confused, and when I got up, I got him out to the pool and was able to express him enough to relieve some discomfort. As soon as I did that, he immediately wanted to play ball. We tossed the ball a few minutes but then he did not want to play anymore. At this point, I think just being up that long was exhausting for him. I laid him back down in the house after bathing him and took a shower and then got dressed thinking I was going to work. When I was ready to leave, I was so confused as why I had thought I was going to work as I knew could not and would not leave him. I tried to figure out what to do and put Jake in the truck and took him for a ride - he loved to do that so much - while I tried to clear my head. I didn't know how far the stem cells were from being ready, but we knew chances were very slim that would help considering the second batch had not helped. I knew I did not want a vet to come to the house to let him go becasue he would have needed to be muzzled and there was no way I was letting him leave this world like that - it paniced him. So I called up to Gainesville and told them Jake was not doing well and I was bringing him up again.

I dimly realized this was likely our last trip up there and tried to memorize every mile of being with Jake. We got there about 4pm and so they needed to keep him to take a look at where he was. When I got back home, I told my mom I wanted to let him go and I was so shocked to hear those words come out of my mouth - even though I knew it was time. It was like I was listening to someone else say it. The next morning I went into work and called up to U of FL and was told Dr. Clemmons was with him as we spoke and they would call me soon. Denial is a funny thing - I knew unless Dr. Clemmons felt the stem cells would help and would be ready in a day or two that I would not be picking Jake up again but somehow I was planning on when I would go pick him up. The doctor we had spoken with when I dropped him off called a little while later and said Jake's bladder had paralyzed shut and there was no good way to express him. He offered that they could set me up with a catheter but they don't recommend those long term. Not to mention Jake's front legs were going and I firmly believe only a day or two from being paralyzed. I knew it would have been impossible to get him in my truck if his front legs went. What if his front legs gave out and he fell and hurt himself? If there was an emergencyow long would he suffer because I couldn't get him in the truck? And if I got someone to help with him, Jake would have been stressed becasue he would have been more concerned with trying to protect me. All this had been going through my mind. But when the doctor said, "I don't know what to tell you ...", you would never have known that I knew it was time to let Jake go. It was a Friday, so I asked if I could bring him home for the week-end - knowing as I asked - that I did not intend to do that becasue that would have been for me and I needed to do what was right for Jake. I asked if it was his 'time' and if I could spend some time with him first. I drove right up there and brought Jake's favorite treats. He wasn't interested in too many except for his beloved peanut butter. I fed him the whole jar as I hugged him and told him how much I loved him. Then I told the doctor we were ready, and Jake left this world peacefully about 4:30 pm, November 18, 2005. He was not quite 10 years old. It was the hardest thing I ever did, but I owed it to him to repay him for the years of unconditional love. It was time to trade my pain for his - to ensure he he did not and would not suffer. It was the least I could do. As painful as it was, it always brings me comfort to remember Jake left this world with peanut butter on his whiskers.

I will never "get over" Jake and I will miss him for the rest of my life. He changed my life and is the inspiration for everything I do.

I will always be grateful to Dr. Clemmons for his impeccable care and his dedication to fighting this disease. He gave my Jake an extra six months of life and no gift was ever more precious than that.

If you have a German Shepherd (healthy or otherwise) or a dog that has been diagnosed with DM, please consider helping the fight against this insideous disease and fill out the survey at The DM Database. I am collecting data for Dr. Clemmons in Jake's honor in hopes it will help provide useful information in the search for a cure. We still have so much to learn about this disease. Please help provide hope to those struggling with this devastating disease and honor those who have passed.

Part 2.

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