A Journey Through Degenerative Myelopathy, Conclusion

October ...

Kane started to get really depressed. He wanted to do stuff. I tried to bring him everywhere I went. I sat by him endlessly. When I gardened I put him next to me so he could see me. I gave him his frisbee which he just enjoyed. I tried everthing to get his spirits up. Nothing was working he just layed there and I couldnt even get him to smile.

Monday October 16th, I woke up and took Kane outside to potty after we ate our breakfast which he didnt want to eat. 30 minutes and I got him to eat 2 little bites by hand feeding him. I carried him with both support for 40 minutes and he wouldnt pee. He poohed but no pee. I knew he drank alot of water so I new he had to pee. I kept telling him, come on Kane go pee pee, you know you have to go pee pee. Now I was late for work. I was mad. I came in crying with Kane. I put him in his bed with his water bowl. ( Non Tipping) Dave said "What is wrong with you?" I told him I cant do it anymore. I cant handle this, I dont know what to do or who to ask. Dave tried to calm me down and ask me what I wanted to do? I loved my Doodles and didnt want him to leave I just didnt know how to do anything right for him. I told Dave I didnt know. Before I left for work I kissed my Doodles and Rocky goodbye and told them I was sorry for being angry and that I loved them. It was so hard for me to leave that day.

I got home that night and fed my boys, again Kane had no interest in eating but I got him to eat half of his food. We then went outside. Still no pee and now no poo. I was getting scared and new it was not normal. After 45 minutes I came in the house with the boys. I put Kane in my bedroom with Rocky and went into the kitchen and had a breakdown. I was sitting on the floor crying and rocking. I didnt now what to do or who to call. I was dying inside. I kept screaming I was sorry. Dave just stood there and looked at me. Then all of the sudden, Kane came running out of the room. With no help from anyone, just him. He ran to me and fell in my lap. I told Dave, I guess you think he is faking this for attention. Dave just walked away. I dont know how Kane did that but I know he didnt want mommy to cry. I think it must have been adrenaline. I just held him so tight and cried and begged him not to give up. I reminded him our promise that if we beat the Epilepsy monster we can beat anything. I told him to fight it like we did the Epilepsy monster.

The next day, I came home and Dave had the dogs outside already. He was trying to help Kane. Kane pee'd like a race horse. But today no poo. He was sad and had no interest in anything. I tried to get him to eat by hand feeding him but he wasnt interested. I told Dave I thought it was time. I called the vet to make an appointment for Wednesday the 18th but could hardly get the words out of my mouth.

Wednesday the 18th, Dave came home and was sitting on the floor with Doodles. Doodles was sound a sleep in his lap. So I just gave them time together and went upstairs with Rocky and Cried. The time came and I asked Dave to carry Kane outside and put him in my car. The brand new car I bought for my boys, with a sunroof so they could stick their heads out. Kane had not been in it yet and this would be his first and last ride. I have a Car now which I bought for my boys and Kane cant even enjoy it. Dave broke down and cried as he put him in the car. On the way to the vet, I sang to doodles and told him everything I wanted to tell him. I told him I was so proud of him, I loved him and tried to explain to him that he was going to a place where he could play again. A 20 minute drive, how I made it I dont know. The vets assistants met me at the door and helped me in with him. He wasnt scared and was almost like he was giving me permission. The vet took him in another room and put a catheter in his arm. He brought him back out to me and Kane quietly layed down with his head in my lap as I held him so tight and sang the song I always sing to him and Rockyat bed time. Hush little baby dont say a word, mommies gonna by you a mocking bird. Kane closed his eyes before the medicine was even put in his arm and fell sound to sleep. My baby died in my arms that day, so young, only 5 years old.

My vet looked him over and told me what a remarkable job I did with him and what a good mom I was to him. He told me in the wild he would have been gone a long time ago. He told me that Kane was obviously ready to let go by the way he just fell asleep in my arms. My vet left me alone with Kane for a while and then came back in to check on me. He sat on the floor with me and asked me what I wanted to do with his remains. And then asked me where I was going to keep him? He cried with me. And now I know what he was trying to say. He understood how I was feeling and that I had lost my child.

I miss my Kane (Doodles) more than anyone could understand. I was at his side for 4 years and we depended on each other. Through thick and thin. Many sleepless nights together, first with Epilepsy and then DM. There will always be a hole in my heart that only he can fill.

Degenerative Myelopathy is a painless disease and it is also known as the doggy from of Muscular Schlorosis (MS). It progresses at a different rate in different dogs but it is not the end of the world. It is merely a handicap.

Dr Clemmons website is very very helpful and he has done research on DM in GSD for years. I have also found a support group with other people that have or are currently traveling the same journey. They are very supportive and some have had a DM dog for years. They are there to help. Jack Flash's website has a lot of great information also, and I would like to thank her for posting all the information.

There is support out there but I was not aware of the group till after the fact. There is plenty of advice and ideas to help you take care of your DM dog. Your Journey doesn't have to end like mine did.

The Bond alone helped me learn things about my self. Kane taught me so much more. I dont regret the Journey we had together and will never resent Kane for time I spent with him Good or Bad. I just needed help and support.

This story is in honor of Kane (Doodles)
Canis Majoris of Cassondra
Dec. 10 2000 - Oct. 18, 2006
Be free little buddy, we love you forever!

Dont give up on your pups, With Faith, Hope, Trust and Love, we can move mountains.

Part 2.